In the Current Crisis, the Toast Resembles Charcoal

On this glorious Sunday afternoon, I thought I’d make time in my hectic schedule to tell you about the excitement of my week… It was lovely chatting to you all – I’ll speak to you at the same time next week.

How is lockdown treating you? Have you succumbed to watching paint dry on your 4 walls? Does the dog glare at you in utter despair when you take him for his 53rd walk of the day? How many more times can you check if the grass has grown? One thing’s for certain: being stuck in makes you think about life a little differently. We’re all longing to reach another day. Everyone has developed a form of dementia – we have no idea what day it is and before we know it, we’ve endured the 92nd Wednesday of the month by 5th April.

But folks, you’re not alone – it’s Groundhog Day in our house too. Coronavirus has trapped me in a time warp; I’m living with my parents until quarantine lifts. At this stage, many of you will enjoy taking the liberty of filling in the blanks, but for my less familiar readers, I’m sure you’ll agree that no one who moves out of the family abode ever dreams of moving back in. COVID-19 is serious!

Akin to households across the world, we are fast running out of supplies. We did not bog roll hoard; we do not have 86 tins of beans, and the fresh food has reduced to one measly mushroom. To top it off, Mum – who lives somewhere in the 19th century – cannot work the electric cooker. As a result, the highlight of the mornings is to discover whether the toast resembles charcoal or if it has a phobia of the toaster. Digestive biscuits appear to be the only viable option.

After our game of Toast Russian Roulette, it’s off to walk the Great Danes. I’ve never been a girl who wears fluffy pink jumpers adorned with unicorns, but even I’ve successfully managed to change my vibe to suit the lockdown code. For the past two weeks, I’ve gradually been morphing into Scooby-Doo’s Velma, who had a paralysing accident in the Mystery Bus and now has a permanent bad hair day. As challenging as this may be, I take comfort in knowing that everyone has to stay socially distant. If their eyesight is as atrocious as mine, I won’t be seen for another 3 months, so it’ll give me a chance to pull the new look off with confidence.

Is anyone else sick of this? Every sentence we’ve uttered within the past few weeks has comprised of the phrase: ‘in these challenging times’ or, ‘in the current crisis’. It’s got to the point where we don’t have to be referring to the challenging times to be in a current crisis. The dog barked at the postman and it was a current crisis. It was a challenging time because the TV wouldn’t work. This afternoon’s current crisis occurred when a bumblebee entered the house. What can I say, he had to find a home to stay safe in. And my all-time favourite, which will be echoed around the globe: in these challenging times, I need wine.

I guess the current crisis teaches us the most basic form of gratitude. I have my own thoughts about why we’re in the coronavirus predicament, but there’s a time to share them, and amidst the uncertainty of these challenging times isn’t it. In a nutshell, though, Corona reminds us to be thankful for every breath we take.

April 5, 2020 3:29 pm

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