Fairytales. You know the drill. A damsel in distress spends the entire storyline metaphorically wrestling with an evil, matriarchal character. Only then, is she rescued by a knight in shining armour - a clean-shaven fella, resembling a Ken Doll, who just so happens to be in the right place at the right time. Even the classics that don’t require a prince, have miraculous twists that tip the scales of the plot from certain disaster to happily ever after.
Guess what folks. Life just ain’t like that. We live in the real world filled with differing ideals, differing personalities, and the never-ending arguments that come as soon as the term, ‘Brexit’, is mentioned. In this blog series, we’ll learn what would happen if we dragged the beloved characters out of their picture-perfect lives and into the 21st century. Staying true to their fairytale roots though, the stories may be a tad farfetched.
Sleeping Beauty: In the Fairytale Realm
Everyone knows how this one goes, or at least a version of it. Born into royalty, like many fairytale characters, Aurora’s parents host a betrothal party when she’s just a few days old. Everyone in the kingdom is invited, apart from Maleficent, who shows up somewhat unannounced to throw a spanner in the works. She curses the poor kid and says that at the tender age of sixteen, Aurora will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die.
Naturally, the most obvious solution is to send the princess away to live with three fairies in the woods where she’ll be safe until this fateful day has passed. A problem arises though when on her sixteenth birthday, she’s taking a stroll in the woods and she stumbles across Prince Phillip, to whom she is unknowingly betrothed. Unsurprisingly, the pair instantly fall in love and she rushes back to tell the fairies. After breaking the news to Aurora that she isn’t a peasant girl, but a princess, they then drop the bombshell that she’s to marry a prince, who nobody realises she’s just met.
Anyway, thinking the coast is clear, the fairies take Aurora back to the palace to be reunited with her parents. Maleficent appears and sends the princess into a deep sleep that is supposed to last a hundred years. At this point, she transforms into a dragon and captures Prince Philip in order to stop him from breaking the curse. However, like any decent fairytale ending, her plan fails, Aurora is awoken by true loves kiss and they all live happily ever after.
After years of trying for a baby, the King and Queen realised that raising a child was going to be harder than they first thought. Sure, they loved a celebration, they loved to throw a party with photos that were bound to viral on Instagram, but they couldn’t stand the thought that Aurora, who was born in the snowflake era, would be living under their roof until she was forty-five. The best way to get her out from under their feet was to set up an arranged marriage. They found a King with an heir and that was that. Aurora could grow up in a privileged household and be kicked out into an equally privileged household, the only difference is that she would no longer be her parents’ problem. In the meantime, they needed nannies – three should do it. That way they could continue living the high life in the knowledge that their daughter was cared for.
You know what it’s like at family gatherings though; there’s always one person who disagrees with any decision that’s made. Aurora’s crotchety, old grandmother, who’s always been a traditionalist, voiced her unwanted opinion at the betrothal party. She said that raising children wasn’t supposed to be easy. She said that too many people nowadays don’t teach kids the skills they need in life. Her mother taught her how to cook, clean and sow from a young age, and at sixteen she landed her first job as a seamstress. These days, teenagers lie in bed all day on some new-fangled technology and if they’re not doing that, they sleep for a hundred years.
Aurora grew up to be a bit of a tart, but her nannies defended her behaviour by saying that she had an unstable home with parents who were essentially absent. She was constantly flouncing off into the woods to meet whichever boy she’d found on Bumble, only to come back and tell that he was the one. Her latest romance was with a lad named Phillip – they gave it a week until her life would be over because he had broken her heart.
The one thing that might see the lovebirds’ relationship go past the week anniversary is that Aurora’s grandmother approved of Phillip. She liked the fact that he was a grafter who had his priorities straight. However, she has threatened to turn him to ash if she heard about any funny business between the pair of them. Luckily, Maleficent doesn’t walk through the woods at night so I think they’re both safe.